StopCallingMeJoy

Talent Competitions

The other night I was watching a singing bee called “American Idol” when it hit me. All the contestants who didn’t make the cut had their mothers present to console them after. I cried when I saw one momma hug her daughter and tell her “You’ll always be MY American Idol!” I thought: yes. This is why you always keep your mother around. I hope if I’m ever on reality TV I can keep my mother near so she can tell me: “Don’t worry, sweetie. You’ll always be the Biggest Loser to Me.”

Love

This social situation, I find, is increasingly more prevalent around the holidays. Tonight at a Christmas work party (where I didn’t know anyone because I don’t work with them) I had plenty of time to observe love at work and learn more about the phenomena that’s taking the world by storm.

First there was the young college couple across the table:

Boy: “Babe- look, the game’s on.”

Girl: “Babe, I don’t care.”

Boy: “But Babe, this is a big game.”

Girl: “Babe, seriously.”

Boy: “But Babe-“

Girl: “Babe. I love you, but I really don’t care.”

Interesting. So, love is calling someone else “babe”. Noted.

Then there was the thirty-somethings sitting next to me. They hardly acknowledged each other. They never looked up from their food and didn’t say one word to each other until.. At one point during the meal the woman said to her lover: ”You know, Tom. I’d really LOVE it if you could try chewing in such a way so the other end of the table is not bothered by the mind-raping sound of your fat lips smacking against raw meat… HONEY.” Then.. back to silence for the rest of the meal.

Ok.. So love is being willing to give each other space.. and also not being afraid to offer constructive criticism. Got it.

Then there was the older couple at the end of the table. While the rest of the company was dressed to the nines, this couple opted for a more casual approach: matching Budweiser sweatshirts. No bra for the misses, few stains for the gentleman. Steve treated Shelly like she was Gisele Bundchen. Shelly laughed uncontrollably at every word Steve said, funny or not. Then she would repeat the “joke” or “comment” or “request” to the rest of the party at an exhilarating volume as if she was introducing Steve Martin at the Improv.

So… love is matching Budweiser sweaters?? Seems odd..

Finally, as I was driving home (because someone at the party noticed I wasn’t a company employee) I was really thrown for a loop. I noticed two teenagers in love’s embrace. They were fogging up an old Toyota on lookout pass. Well! This opened up a whole new set of theories and questions for me. I am still so frustrated by it I’ve decided to give up people watching and just learn about life the old-fashioned way: TV.

Child Molester

So.. I’m pretty sure I almost got duped today by a child molester.

This man named Greg called in and said he was performing charity on children who “don’t have too much”. He invited me to come along to do a story on it.

He planned to take a handful of area kids to a local store to buy them toys and candy. Then, as he explained it, one lucky kid could win (what he calls) a “date with Greg”. He didn’t quite clarify who the kids were or where he got them. To tell you the truth, the whole event didn’t seem very official.

I almost wish I didn’t promise I’d do a follow up story when Greg and Timmy have their date.

Bearded Lady

I almost got into a wreck today trying to peer into the car next to me to see what appeared to be a real live bearded lady! Super rare! As it turns out, it was a bearded man with a ponytail. Super common in Montana.

Small Business

I’ve started a small business with my now business associate, Rags. Somehow I feel like our business model may not be great. For starters, we don’t have a business model. Also, all our preliminary meetings have seemed far fetched. Here’s an example:

me: OK, let’s sell a lot, enough to make us rich and then we can bathe in the money and get servants.

Rags: Agreed. Also, we should build an underground pool.

me: Undoubtedly. Same time next week?

Rags: Talk to you then.

I guess even Bill Gates had to get through this stage to get Microsoft off the ground.

Professionalism

To me professionalism is holding out your SSSs when you speak and not blinking during the conversation. That, to me, is professionalism.

B-roll

B-roll can be a b-word to find sometimes. I once did a story on teen driver safety and waited at the Motor Vehicle Division ALL day for a teen to come in but none did. So, I ended up shooting the middle-aged man with the least facial hair and shortest ponytail. My boss called following the show to discuss the “teen” in my video. It went something like this:

Boss: “Seriously, Kyriaki…I mean, how old WAS that guy anyway??”

Kyriaki: “I KNOW, right!? He was so old!”

Boss: “What I’m saying is, he was probably older than a teenager.”

Kyriaki: “Tell me about it! AAAGGHHH!!! Broll! Am I right?”

Boss: “Kyriaki. I don’t know how to put this.. your story was on the safety of YOUNG people on the road..”

Kyriaki: “Sure..”

Boss: ”YOUNG.”

Kyriaki: “Uh huh..”

Boss: “THERE WASN’T A SINGLE TEEN IN YOUR F*ING STORY!!”

Kyriaki: “FOR REALZIES!! WE ARE BOTH SOOOO ANGRY!!!”

Click.

Even though we got disconnected I was just so happy he shared my same frustrations on how hard it is to find some good broll. I guess that’s why he’s the boss.

Motivation

I seem to lack motivation in every area of my life. It must be because when ever I am determined to do something I tell myself: “I’ll do it if it kills me!! Well, Actually..Let’s be realistic, Kyriaki.. I’ll do it until it makes me pretty uncomfortable and then I’m out.” Probably something to work on.

After a Recent Shoot…

So after an interview, I was packing my gear in the car and almost closed the tripod on my thumb. You always hear about survival stories on TV but you never think it’ll happen to you.

Chasing Cars Remake

It’s always baffled me that there are so many hundreds of cars on all kinds of freeways at any given moment.. just moving and passing and signaling and merging all the time yet they are never expected to touch.

When you’re in a mosh pit full of people, you don’t get mad when someone taps your elbow or pushes your rear end or even accidentally pours a drink all over you. No. You know why? ‘Cuz you’re in a mosh pit, that’s why and those are the rules. You don’t get all huffy and call a lawyer and threaten to sue, because you’re at a crowded show and those are the rules. What are you doing?! Stop Dialing!! I said those are the rules!!